Day 1

This afternoon on the way home from the shops my Husband D told me that his Brother is sterile. He has had some tests and there are no detectable sperm present. His Brother and Sister-in- Law are desperate to have a child together. There are more expensive tests to come next week but its not looking good for them. She has 2 children from a previous marriage he has none. They are not getting any younger. As She is over 35 (just), IVF on the NHS is not an option.

My Husband was asked if he would consider being a sperm donor.

We have 3 children of our own and have no plans to add to that number. D does not want to be involved with this new child in any way other than that of an uncle. He does not want any financial obligations or parental rights. He actually doesn't want anyone to know that the child is his at all.

This is where my dilemma starts. I believe in total honesty. That the right to know who your parents are is fundamental. If he goes ahead and a child is born, legally the child will have the right to find out that D is his Father at the age of 18. If it is kept a secret forever then this child will not be the person he/she thinks they are.

As he wants it to be a secret I feel unable to speak to anyone about it so I am speaking to you blog with the hope that between us we can answer my worries.

So these are the questions I am going to ponder on first-

1. Is total secrecy a good idea?
2. Should our childen be told?
3. Do we agree and open a whole world of worms or say no and feel responsible for them having no child?
4. How does it work? Clinic or turkey baster? Do we need to see a Solicitor?

I am off to search the internet for answers to these questions. I hate being a grown-up.